Breaking the Mold

Today is my 29th birthday. There, I've said it. I've joked for a while now that this will be my last - that from now on I will celebrate the anniversary of my 29th birthday. In actuality, I'm kind of looking forward to my 30's. I've heard it said that they are the most fun, simply because you are more comfortable with who you are and where you are going. We'll see...

So...what am I going to do with the last year of my 20's? I'm going to try focusing on the present, instead of re-living the past mistakes and worrying about the future. It's not going to be easy for me, but I feel that is what God desires of my heart and life. Who am I to question Him?

To help, I'm going to journal my way through this year. This isn't going to be just any journal though. I'm going to use bible studies to aid my change, because I can't do this alone.

The first study I'm going to follow is Bad Girls of the Bible by Liz Curtis Higgs. In her introduction, she says this book is for four types of women: 1.) former bad girls who have given their lives to Christ and struggle to find their fit in the church; 2.) temporary bad girls who grew up in church, but put that aside for a while to [in my words] "find themselves", but fear they can't be truly forgiven; 3.) veteran good girls who want to grow in their understanding and compassion for the "bad girls"; and 4.) aspiring good girls who think there has to be something more to life, but don't know where to look.

I am most definitely in the second category. That's where my reliving the past gets me. Not a day goes by that I don't remember something horrid I did or said. I know I'm forgiven, but I don't KNOW I'm forgiven. Hopefully that makes sense to some of you out there.

There was another quote in the intro that resonated with me. I find it kind of poetic that we share the same first name - even into the spelling - some may say coincedence, but whatever.

The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian,
but the fact that I'm a Christian does make me a different kind of woman.

- Elisabeth Elliot

I'm truly looking forward, not only to this study, but also to this year. This journey to thirty. I may not be where I thought I was going to be at this stage of my life, but I know that God meets us where we are, we just have to be willing to allow him into our lives.

Father, throughout this next year, help me learn more about You and who You want me to be - not living in the past or worrying about my future. Help me to forgive myself as You have forgiven me. Amen.